Spot the office psycho, Executive PA, Oct/Nov 2010
Most of the time, it's easy to avoid people who annoy us. But there's one place we simply can't escape the rude, the lazy and the plain nasty - work. By Iwona Tokc-Wilde
If you work in a harmonious environment, consider yourself lucky. The rest of us have to deal with individuals whose toxic behaviour drains our time and energy, who impede our efforts and make us paranoid. Some days we feel like throwing in the towel.
But quitting our job when a toxic colleague drives us insane isn’t the answer – we would meet another one soon enough. Dr John Clarke, the author of Working with Monsters, says there are many explanations for difficult workplace behaviours: low self-esteem, inability to cope with stress, poor interpersonal skills, relationship/family problems or even mental illness. However, whatever the reasons, these behaviours can be “diagnosed” and managed more easily than you think.
The gossip
One of the most toxic colleagues to have around, she’s driven by the psychological need to feel special and powerful, says Tom Fortes Mayer, the founder and creative director of FreeMind, an organisation that specialises in leadership training, emotional intelligence and performance psychology. This girl knows everything – who’s up for promotion, who’s about to get the sack, and who’s clocking off early. She’s a welcome distraction and a goldmine of useful information. What’s not to like, right?
Wrong. The “useful” information can cause hurt and embarrassment, especially when it gets distorted in an office game of Chinese whispers. But the gossip doesn’t care and moves on to the next target. If you partake, beware, one day it may be you! The best you can do is to ignore her. The fewer people give her the attention she craves, the sooner she’ll stop. If, however, you do get cornered and are about to hear something you don’t want to, simply change the subject.
The time stealer
This creature thrives in an open-plan office and you’re unlucky if she sits next to you. Bored or, according to Tom, possessing an over-inflated sense of how interesting she is, she tells you about her annoying in-laws when you’re typing up that urgent report, smiling politely through gritted teeth and risking locked jaw in the process.
But time stealers are often nice people looking to forge some kind of a bond, so we don’t want to be rude. “Instead, approach each conversation as a business meeting and don’t let them go over the allocated time” advises Tom. Give them five minutes to talk about last night’s Eastenders, but then explain that you really must get on with that report.
The ideas thief
Driven by insecurity, this person has a knack for appropriating your efforts and presenting them as if they were hers. She may interrupt you in a brainstorming meeting and run with that brilliant idea of yours, impressing the boss, and taking the credit where none is due. She may even end up believing the idea was hers to start with.
Tom advises to have a clear evidence trail showing that the idea originated with you and you alone. Also, if you’re presenting at a meeting, bring some handouts with you – it’s difficult to appropriate someone else’s efforts if there’s hard evidence right in front of everyone proving your ownership.
The underminer
Everyone makes mistakes and it pays to accept feedback with grace. But what about when the criticism is unfounded, when insincere compliments are dished out in such a way that they undermine your accomplishments in front of others?
“The underminer believes there’s limited amount of luck, success and wealth in the world,” explains Tom, “so another person succeeding means that someone’s taking something away from them.” In most cases, this warped way of looking at the world shouldn’t be put up with. “But first work out if they undermine everyone or just you,” says Tom. If it’s just you, speak up – you’ve nothing to lose and will gain respect if you stand up for yourself. However, if this person undermines everyone, simply ignore them. Sooner or later they will realise no one is taking them seriously.
The whiner
The cry-baby of the office doesn’t like to be criticised and expresses her feelings freely and unreservedly. She may, literally, cry every time she’s told she’s done something wrong and you tiptoe around her not to make things worse.
A variation on this theme is someone who complains all the time. The boss is a nightmare. The air-con is too cold. Poor me, no one appreciates what I do, might as well go eat worms. Her incessant moaning brings you down, but before you try and hide every time you see her, consider introducing a golden rule of “If you haven’t got anything good to say, please don’t say anything at all,” suggests Tom. They will either snap out of it or not whine when you’re around.
The slacker
The resident shirker takes procrastination to the next level – she does just enough to convince the boss she’s pulling her weight while doing all she can to avoid having work land on her desk. “I’m just off to a meeting with X, see if Sian can deal with it”. Or, “Mark has recently worked on a similar project; he’ll be delighted to assist on this one as well”.
So what do you do when you know she’s telling tales and doing her online banking behind your back? If you’re assigning the tasks, make it clear who’s responsible for what and by when. If it doesn’t get done, don’t cover for her – this will not make your life easier in the long run. You may have to alert your boss or the HR department so be sure to have evidence to support your claims.
Most importantly, understand that the slacker – and all those other toxic types – get found out at some point, and they’ll probably leave or be made to leave. But, says Dr Clarke, regardless of the “diagnosis”, if the person is really making your life unbearable, you must talk it over with someone. In some cases, if you try and face the problem alone, you present a much easier target.
PA Panel
“Working as the PA to the most senior member of an organisation pretty much dictates that I won’t be best friends with everyone and I accept this is the nature of my job. I’ve always made a point of trying to get on with my colleagues, but when it’s plain that there’s a clash of personalities or that we will just not get on, I’ve accepted this and concentrated on doing my job instead. I won’t waste further time in trying to become best buddies – I’m generally far too busy to be able to expend that amount of energy on trying to forge a relationship!”
“I don’t take part in office gossip, either. If someone tries to engage me in a gossipy conversation, I hold up my hands and say “I won’t be a part of this”. I’ve always lent a sympathetic ear to colleagues but I won’t gossip about them or pass on what they’ve said.”
“Somebody who tries to sabotage my work or efforts, however, is another thing entirely -
I won’t tolerate it and will always say so.”
Angela Garry, PA, Nottingham
THE END
If you work in a harmonious environment, consider yourself lucky. The rest of us have to deal with individuals whose toxic behaviour drains our time and energy, who impede our efforts and make us paranoid. Some days we feel like throwing in the towel.
But quitting our job when a toxic colleague drives us insane isn’t the answer – we would meet another one soon enough. Dr John Clarke, the author of Working with Monsters, says there are many explanations for difficult workplace behaviours: low self-esteem, inability to cope with stress, poor interpersonal skills, relationship/family problems or even mental illness. However, whatever the reasons, these behaviours can be “diagnosed” and managed more easily than you think.
The gossip
One of the most toxic colleagues to have around, she’s driven by the psychological need to feel special and powerful, says Tom Fortes Mayer, the founder and creative director of FreeMind, an organisation that specialises in leadership training, emotional intelligence and performance psychology. This girl knows everything – who’s up for promotion, who’s about to get the sack, and who’s clocking off early. She’s a welcome distraction and a goldmine of useful information. What’s not to like, right?
Wrong. The “useful” information can cause hurt and embarrassment, especially when it gets distorted in an office game of Chinese whispers. But the gossip doesn’t care and moves on to the next target. If you partake, beware, one day it may be you! The best you can do is to ignore her. The fewer people give her the attention she craves, the sooner she’ll stop. If, however, you do get cornered and are about to hear something you don’t want to, simply change the subject.
The time stealer
This creature thrives in an open-plan office and you’re unlucky if she sits next to you. Bored or, according to Tom, possessing an over-inflated sense of how interesting she is, she tells you about her annoying in-laws when you’re typing up that urgent report, smiling politely through gritted teeth and risking locked jaw in the process.
But time stealers are often nice people looking to forge some kind of a bond, so we don’t want to be rude. “Instead, approach each conversation as a business meeting and don’t let them go over the allocated time” advises Tom. Give them five minutes to talk about last night’s Eastenders, but then explain that you really must get on with that report.
The ideas thief
Driven by insecurity, this person has a knack for appropriating your efforts and presenting them as if they were hers. She may interrupt you in a brainstorming meeting and run with that brilliant idea of yours, impressing the boss, and taking the credit where none is due. She may even end up believing the idea was hers to start with.
Tom advises to have a clear evidence trail showing that the idea originated with you and you alone. Also, if you’re presenting at a meeting, bring some handouts with you – it’s difficult to appropriate someone else’s efforts if there’s hard evidence right in front of everyone proving your ownership.
The underminer
Everyone makes mistakes and it pays to accept feedback with grace. But what about when the criticism is unfounded, when insincere compliments are dished out in such a way that they undermine your accomplishments in front of others?
“The underminer believes there’s limited amount of luck, success and wealth in the world,” explains Tom, “so another person succeeding means that someone’s taking something away from them.” In most cases, this warped way of looking at the world shouldn’t be put up with. “But first work out if they undermine everyone or just you,” says Tom. If it’s just you, speak up – you’ve nothing to lose and will gain respect if you stand up for yourself. However, if this person undermines everyone, simply ignore them. Sooner or later they will realise no one is taking them seriously.
The whiner
The cry-baby of the office doesn’t like to be criticised and expresses her feelings freely and unreservedly. She may, literally, cry every time she’s told she’s done something wrong and you tiptoe around her not to make things worse.
A variation on this theme is someone who complains all the time. The boss is a nightmare. The air-con is too cold. Poor me, no one appreciates what I do, might as well go eat worms. Her incessant moaning brings you down, but before you try and hide every time you see her, consider introducing a golden rule of “If you haven’t got anything good to say, please don’t say anything at all,” suggests Tom. They will either snap out of it or not whine when you’re around.
The slacker
The resident shirker takes procrastination to the next level – she does just enough to convince the boss she’s pulling her weight while doing all she can to avoid having work land on her desk. “I’m just off to a meeting with X, see if Sian can deal with it”. Or, “Mark has recently worked on a similar project; he’ll be delighted to assist on this one as well”.
So what do you do when you know she’s telling tales and doing her online banking behind your back? If you’re assigning the tasks, make it clear who’s responsible for what and by when. If it doesn’t get done, don’t cover for her – this will not make your life easier in the long run. You may have to alert your boss or the HR department so be sure to have evidence to support your claims.
Most importantly, understand that the slacker – and all those other toxic types – get found out at some point, and they’ll probably leave or be made to leave. But, says Dr Clarke, regardless of the “diagnosis”, if the person is really making your life unbearable, you must talk it over with someone. In some cases, if you try and face the problem alone, you present a much easier target.
PA Panel
“Working as the PA to the most senior member of an organisation pretty much dictates that I won’t be best friends with everyone and I accept this is the nature of my job. I’ve always made a point of trying to get on with my colleagues, but when it’s plain that there’s a clash of personalities or that we will just not get on, I’ve accepted this and concentrated on doing my job instead. I won’t waste further time in trying to become best buddies – I’m generally far too busy to be able to expend that amount of energy on trying to forge a relationship!”
“I don’t take part in office gossip, either. If someone tries to engage me in a gossipy conversation, I hold up my hands and say “I won’t be a part of this”. I’ve always lent a sympathetic ear to colleagues but I won’t gossip about them or pass on what they’ve said.”
“Somebody who tries to sabotage my work or efforts, however, is another thing entirely -
I won’t tolerate it and will always say so.”
Angela Garry, PA, Nottingham
THE END
© Iwona Tokc-Wilde